The writer has written about how to handle bad friends and not-so-bad friends who just don't work. But what if you're the one who's been jettisoned. There's no need to be sad or depressed. It's not always a bad thing to be kicked out of your clique or left out of the fun. Here's how to survive if it's you.
1. Realize That You Are That Guy
If you are a "bad friend" you have to come to terms with it. That doesn't mean you have to stay the bad friend. Just realize that you are, in fact, "that guy" that nobody wants to be around. What you do with that knowledge is up to you, but having that knowledge is the important part.
2. Ask If That Person Or Group Was Worth Your Time
Getting dumped for being the "bad friend" or "lame friend" isn't always a bad thing. Look back at the activities he/she/they were trying to make you do. We're they trying to make you do stuff that went against every fiber of your being? Maybe they wanted you to drink and you don't like drinking. Perhaps they wanted you to go somewhere you didn't want to go. Or perhaps they were trying to get you get up into some fuckshit and you didn't want any part of it. It's better to be a "bad friend" or "lame" than to get involved in things you don't like and/or don't want to try.
3. Learn From Past Mistakes
Why did your last friend or clique break up with you? Did you come off as too needy? Did you try to monopolize their time and not take their schedule into account? Did you fart too much? Maybe it was something else. Whatever it was, try to cut back on it (if you can help it) when the next person or clique picks you up or if (heaven forbid) the person/people who dumped you want to reconcile. If you can't help it and are a habitual loner then...
4. Be Able To Make Your Own Fun
Getting used to be alone is a part of the deal as the "bad friend", "lame guy", or the "unwanted person". Finding activities that don't require other people to enjoy is the way to cope with this reality. You ARE going to go through stretches where you will be all alone. Learning to enjoy your own company is how to handle those stretches until that new friend or clique comes around. Learn to fall back on these activities and you'll survive, no matter how many friends you lose or how often you lose them.
5. Learn To Understand Spoken And Body Language
When you make new friends, learn to read the mood. This is the most important thing you can do, so nasty breaks can be avoided. Listen to the words they use and the context in which they are used. Do they talk to you like you're stupid or does their speech seem like veiled insults? Do they slump their shoulders and/or walk away, pretending they didn't see you. Do they seem to lack the vigor or energy they have with others when you come by? These are signs that they don't want to be around you and you should never talk to these people again if you notice these thing. This writer has seen people get cussed out and even punched out because they either didn't see these signs or ignored them and continued to impose on the person. Don't be someone like that. Understand what's being said and (just as importantly) what's being shown before or things could get ugly.
6. Learn To Love Yourself And Be Willing To Stand Alone
As sort of an extension of Point 2, sometimes you have to stand alone on your own principles. Be willing to go against your friend or friends. Don't just go along with them just for the sake of not being lonely. This is especially important if you see them headed into a potentially dangerous situation because it can save your life. Someone who doesn't love themselves can easily be swayed, talked into, or maneuvered into doing anything. Don't be that person. Love yourself, have some standards, and don't be afraid of being alone.
Whether you try to fix what made you a "bad" or "lame" friend or embrace the isolation, make sure you are happy and/or having fun. It doesn't matter how many friends you have if you're miserable or have to compromise yourself to the point where you're unhappy to keep them. You should also expect the same from them. Don't force yourself on people who don't want to be around you. That is the single best thing a "bad friend" or "unwanted person" can do.
Above all, remember that you WILL be fine by yourself. You will get more chances to get friends, but even if you blow those chances or don't get them that doesn't mean you have to be miserable.
Until next time...
