Bad friends are bad friends no matter how you look at it. These people drain your time, your mental health, and even your wallet if you let them. As this writer mentioned in a previous post, you should separate yourself from these individuals as soon as you can. Some may be reluctant to do so, for various reasons. These are seven questions you should ask yourself when deciding whether or not to call it quits on a friend.
1. Do I Even Like This Person?
You only have so much time on this world. Why spend it with someone you don't even like? It's a total waste of the most precious resource you have. It's kind of like a business exchange. You pay currency (your time in this case) for a product or service (the person's presence). Normally, if you get a product or service you don't like, you attempt to get your money back, right? Well, you can't get a refund on your time. All you can do is realize you've wasted it on this person and not waste anymore of it on them.
2. Why Don't We Ever Do Anything I Want To Do?
This writer recently as himself this question after conversing with a former friend. The person in question kept talking about making this writer do things he didn't want to do. He talked about things like making this writer drink alcohol, having sex with prostitutes, and going to Las Vegas. After the conversation ended, this writer said to himself, "Why is this guy trying to make me do all these things I don't want to do?" To clarify things, this writer was being asked to do things he didn't want to do and go to places he didn't want to with someone he barely liked. If that doesn't sound like a complete waste of time, what does? Fortunately, this writer broke it off before any of that happened.
3. Why Is Everything I Do Wrong?
You know that "friend" who questions everything you do? You want to get promoted at your job? He'll be there to say, "You don't need a promotion. You're doing fine." Want to have a piece of cake. Here he comes to say, "This stuff is bad for you. So much sugar," while asking you for a piece. In simpler terms, he's the guy that doesn't want you to enjoy anything he's not a part of or experience anything good if he doesn't make it happen. This could be for one of two reasons. First, he could be a looking for someone to be a lackey to keep beneath them. Secondly, he could be a loser who never accomplished anything and doesn't want you to accomplish anything either. If your friend wants to hold you back or monopolize your time so you can't do anything but be around them, break it off IMMEDIATELY. This person means you no good.
4. Is This Person Trying To Piss Me Off?
This is sort of an extension of the last question. The only thing worse than having everything you do criticized and/or all your time monopolized is when you know the person knows he or she is being a prick. For whatever reason, this person keeps trying to stress you out. Maybe it's an attempt to overcome their own inferiority complex or maybe they are just trying to make you feel as empty as they do, but people like this mean you no good. The only thing they do is bring undue stress on you. There's no reason to take on a burden like that. Get rid of them if you can.
5. Why Do I Feel So Tired After Dealing With This Person?
That's the feeling of your sanity and soul being drained. Some people are naturally energy vampires and not good to interact with. They're not necessarily bad people, they're just no fun to be around. If you find yourself saying, "I hope he didn't see me," or "oh crap, he saw me," that's a warning to yourself of the soul-sucking to come. In extreme case, simply seeing the person will sap all your strength. The sad part is that you can't even enjoy things you like with this person hanging around. You should NEVER feel drained after dealing with REAL friends, even after you've had an intense debate. Try to avoid people like this if you can.
6. He Knows I'm Not Gay...Right?
This writer once had a really friend who was really macho. All he talked about was how much sex he use to have when he was in college (he's an older guy). So, it came as a surprise when we were talking one day and he stroked this writer's arm and asked, "Does this turn you on?" After this writer said no, the man then asked, "What if I grabbed your dick?" This writer burst into laughter because he couldn't believe what he was hearing and turned to walk away. Seeing this writer's clear lack of interest, he said (all while not laughing or smiling), "I was just playing. I just do that to see if someone is gay? You have a sense of humor, right?" What "straight" man plays like that with another man, especially one who has clearly stated in the past that he's not gay? Simply put, if your friend doesn't know what boundaries are, RUN!
7. What Am I Getting Out Of This Friendship?
If you break it off with this person, will you miss them? Think seriously and deeply about the answer you come up with. If so, what will you miss most? Put another way, are this person's positives worth dealing with their BS to keep them around.
Obviously, these aren't the only questions you can ask, but the answers are what matter. The most important thing is to be honest with both yourself and your friend. If you don't like or want to be around the person and try to hide it, they WILL eventually come out. Tell the person the moment you figure out the answers. Clearly and calmly state the issue. That way you won't waste as much time on a relationship that isn't working and feelings on both sides won't be as hostile when (or if) the break happens.
Until next time...
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